I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
