Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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