I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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