If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
