walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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