oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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