Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
