I think im going to throw up on grandma
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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