FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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