woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
