forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
