i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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