so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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