OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
