don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
