my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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