Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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