After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize