just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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