I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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