I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
