The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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