I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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