I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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