Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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