Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
