I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
