Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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