So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
