I'm really into asian looking animals
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
