dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
