so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
