what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
