Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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