I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
