Moan for me like Helen Keller
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
