I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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