News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
