hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is my gift to your gina
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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