Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
