Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
