Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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