thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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