I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize