worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
