Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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