i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
