Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
