I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
