You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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