Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
