Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
