i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
