Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
