I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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