I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
