Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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