i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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