Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
