I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
