After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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