help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
