shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
