awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
