That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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