if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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