You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
