think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
