If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.