I think im going to throw up on grandma
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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