Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx

Replies (76) Good night (28250) Bad night (2010)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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(604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh

Replies (21) Good night (886) Bad night (6286)
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(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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(630): you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car. http://tfl.nu/fzr7

Replies (18) Good night (5780) Bad night (867)
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(512): View more from Texas

turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

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(512): turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce http://tfl.nu/v1jk

Replies (19) Good night (1408) Bad night (5316)
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(210): View more from Texas

i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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(210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m

Replies (13) Good night (4991) Bad night (1785)
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(801): View more from Utah

He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

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(801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz

Replies (31) Good night (10822) Bad night (1400)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

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(910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp

Replies (15) Good night (2293) Bad night (4575)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you

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(248): i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you http://tfl.nu/cx5a

Replies (11) Good night (6228) Bad night (1151)
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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9

Replies (20) Good night (6640) Bad night (1330)
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(419): View more from Ohio

There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.

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(419): There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself. http://tfl.nu/9p33

Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (1261)
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(256): View more from Alabama

He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."

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(256): He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment." http://tfl.nu/ioax

Replies (6) Good night (2278) Bad night (705)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"

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(859): Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed" http://tfl.nu/i5mp

Replies (6) Good night (2103) Bad night (537)
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(434): View more from Virginia

It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.

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(434): It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually. http://tfl.nu/a0fb

Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (369)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

(651): View more from Minnesota

That one probably shouldn't have been in caps

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(651): WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL (651): That one probably shouldn't have been in caps http://tfl.nu/u950

Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (401)
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(313): View more from Michigan

stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD

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(313): stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD http://tfl.nu/0mmx

Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (313)

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