the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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