Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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