Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
