Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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