I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
